The holiday season brings so much warmth and love to our lives, from Thanksgiving dinners with extended family to festive Christmas parties with loved ones. At the same time, all this extra time spent with friends and family around the table can add some mealtime stress (and a lot of extra opinions) to your plate.

(Especially if you’re raising your children with a different approach to food and sweets than your parents, relatives, or family friends are.)

This might look like not requiring your child to finish their dinner before having dessert, not forcing bites at the dinner table, or choosing not to stress about nutrition during family gatherings.

When well-meaning family members may comment on your child’s eatings habits, it’s helpful to think beforehand about when and how you’d like to intervene.  Here are a few scenarios you may run into this holiday season at family meals, and some responses to have in your back pocket just in case!

🎂 Bribing Kids for Dessert

This can sound like…

• “Better eat your broccoli if you want some of Grandma’s famous chocolate cake!”

• “Oooh, Aunt Jill brought some cookies. If you’re good, you can have some after dinner!”

• “Another Christmas cookie? You’ll be bouncing off the walls all night!”

These types of comments can come in so many shapes and sizes, and sometimes even come from a well-meaning place. However, if a relative makes a comment to your child about dessert or treats that doesn’t align with your family values, there’s no harm in gently speaking up:

Try saying:

• “Oh, actually, he can have dessert regardless of what he eats for dinner.”

• “That’s alright, we’re fine with her having some extra goodies today. It’s a special day!”

🍽 Expecting Kids to Clear their Plate 

This can sound like:

• “Finish your veggies before you get down from the table!”

• “Take 5 more bites and then you can be done!”

Sometimes, people expect a child to finish their plate because they believe it's the "polite" thing to do when someone is hosting you for a meal. However, requiring children to finish an arbitrary amount of food forces them to ignore their internal hunger cues and weakens their ability to eat intuitively.

(Plus, during holiday gatherings, all the excitement and extra stimulation can often impact a child’s appetite anyway. That’s okay! One meal doesn't make or break healthy eating.)

Try saying:

• “That’s okay, she knows she doesn’t have to finish her plate if she’s full.”

• “Honey, as long as you're full, you can eat as much of whatever’s on your plate. Just like at home!”

• “I’ll save the rest of your plate for you while the grownups talk. If you get hungry, it’ll be here at the table.”

⚠️ Comparing What Kids Are Eating

This can sound like…

• “Ooh look, your sister is eating ALL her chicken!””

• “Looks like brother cleared his plate! Can you do it too?”

Sometimes, people may make comparison comments in order to motivate a child to eat. While, again, they might not be intending harm, it’s not a helpful (or effective) way to encourage a child's positive relationship with food.

Try saying:

• “You know what your body needs, sweetheart. Your tummy may want something different than your sister’s, and that’s okay.”

• “Actually, we try not to compare what they’re eating. She does love when you do “Here comes the airplane!” for her though!

🤎 Having Grace & Holding Boundaries 

Going into the holidays, it can be helpful to remember that we are all raised differently (and we’re also all still learning!) While fielding comments from family can be uncomfortable, it’s worth it to send the right message to your children (even when it’s a little awkward).

A friendly smile and polite reply go a long way, and are often enough to get the job done. Above all, remember that it’s possible to have grace for those who we disagree with and still protect your family’s values in a respectful way.

We hope you have a lovely holiday season with your loved ones!